I remember so very well when I told Daniel for the first time that my beliefs around the church were shifting. We were in our bedroom, I was sitting on the floor and he was rubbing my shoulders. I told him I believed in God, Jesus, Heavenly Mother and that was pretty much it. Everything else was under consideration.
He didn’t say anything. For months.
It was pretty much the proverbial elephant in the room.
It was an intense time period. I was constantly asking my self questions like:
- What if the relationship can’t handle this stress?
- What if he withdraws emotionally from this relationship?
- What if I just ruined everything good in my marriage?
We have come a long way since that time. Here are three specific things we have learned that have helped us grow together instead of apart as we dealt with all the changes associated with a mormon faith transition.
- Love Unconditionally. Withdrawing and disconnecting from the relationship helps nothing, it only exacerbates the fear and isolation. (This one is tricky as often our reflex is often to emotionally disconnect.)
It should also be mentioned that this kind of change takes some processing and sometimes that processing needs be to done alone. There is a difference between withdrawing support and affection and taking time and space to emotionally process.
- Try to keep talking.
There is a lot going on both partners’ heads. It is best to have some way to get those thoughts and feeling out. This does not mean your spouse is the best person to talk to, it can be a trusted friend, it can be a journal. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can not only help you move through them it can give you perspective on what it is you are thinking and feeling.
- Reach out for help.
You have never done this before. This is all new. Of course, you are confused and unsure. There are great resources available to help. Join a support group, join an on line group. Reach out for coaching. Find a therapist. There is no reason to go through this alone.
Do you want to go deeper and learn even more?
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- Identify the REAL issues in your marriage
- Discuss real solutions to directly address you specific problems
- Feel empowered that you can really have a THRIVING Marriage no matter the situation
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Talk to you soon,