How to deal with church /family balance?
Before the faith transition, we have spent countless hours serving in church callings.
You know the long list of activities: Sunday church, youth activities (endless), seminary, firesides, ward parties, temple attendance, ministering appointments, church cleaning, meetings for callings. There are more, these are just the most obvious.
I remember when my husband was a bishop and we had really small kids it was HARD. I would feel so guilty about asking him to help more at home and thought I simply needed to accept this sacrifice. To be honest we did not have a great church/family balance ever. It was one the the factors that influenced my faith transition.
Now that my husband is still active and I am not, my husband wants to continue with his usually heavy church load and I do not. I realized the crux of this issue ties into my own thoughts about our relationship.
I was telling myself that all my husband does is work, church, kids and mowing the lawn. If there is time, I might get it. Not a happy thought, but important to see.
The key thing here is to see that this is only my thought about time and church/family balance. It is my thought and I can always choose another thought.
When I think I am always last, I feel terrible. There are so many other thoughts available to me that feel so much better. Here are some optional thoughts:
He does many wonderful things and I love him for that.
He is so involved in his community and finds meaning from that.
He chooses to spend some of his time at church and that is his choice.
It was also key for me to realize the I can make any request of him but I cannot force him to act in a certain way.
I could ask him to spend Saturday with the family instead of cleaning the church, but I cannot force him. I can ask him to drive the kids to gymnastics instead of going to scouts, but I cannot force him.
Where are you struggling with church/life balance?
Are you looking for some extra help navigating the changes that stem from a faith transition. Let’s talk. Email me and we can set up a time for a free call to discuss coaching.
Talk to you soon,